Almost got hung myself once.
Didn't care for it much.
How about you?
We're going to leave you now.
Wouldn't want anybody to see me here...
get the crazy notion that I was somehow connected with your...
accidental death.
On the other hand...
it's not a good idea for a man to be out here all on his own.
The mind can do terrible things.
Enjoy the company.
Oh, snakes.
Wait!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ollie.
Whoa, Ollie. Whoa. Whoa, Ollie.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Don't go without me, all right, Ollie?
Lord...
whatever I've done to piss you off...
if you could just get me out of this and...
somehow let me know what it was, I promise I'll rectify the situation.
It had just been a shitty week for me from the beginning.
It had all started when I was heading into Crystal River...
to pick up some money from the bank.
Probably I should've known there was bad luck on the horizon...
when my horse got stolen...
and I had to replace it with something less than a thoroughbred.
My luck had to change fast.
The poker game of the century was just four days away in St. Louis...
and I was still $3,000 short of the entrance fee.
There was no way in hell I was gonna miss that game.
Not just because there was a half-million dollar pot to be won...
although that kind of money certainly demands attention...
but because I needed to know how good I really was.
Once and for all.
Well, I was gonna have to hole up here for the night anyway.
Business would just have to wait till the morning.
Whoa, big fella.
- Hello, sir. - Hi, son.
How much?
By the day, week or month?
No, no. Not how much to take care of him, how much to just take him. Permanently.
Pa! This man wants to know if you wanna buy a burro.
That burro ain't worth a dollar.
Well, sir, I say you got yourself a deal.
Here's your dollar.
Well, he doesn't eat much, but he's a regular jackass.
And he-aw, he-aw, he always likes to be called Arthur.
From the moment I slapped eyes on this hombre, I smelled trouble...
and refried beans.
Something else told me that this was not just a chance meeting.
I'll see your 10 and I'll raise you 10.
I call.
- What do you got? - Full house.
That beats me.
Damn. You are a lucky lady.
Is this seat taken?
It is now.
My name is Annabelle Bransford.
What do they call you?
I'm Bret Maverick, Ma'am. I'm pleased to meet you.
I like the game the way it is.
Well now, I bring all sorts of pluses to the table.
I hardly ever bluff and I never, ever cheat.
I don't believe it.
Neither do I.
I like the game just the way it is.
What good is an empty chair?
Indeed.
Now I'll bet I can change your mind.
I promise that I will lose for at least an hour.
- I like that. - Sounds good to me.
My kind of player.
We're playing five-card draw.
Please, sit down.
As I said, my name is Mrs. Annabelle Bransford.
I think I caught that before, ma'am. Except the "Mrs." part.
Ante up, gentlemen.
I'm in.
Same game. Chips, sir.
You can lose as much as you want.
Two hundred.
- You did say you were going to lose for an hour. - I'm a man of my word.
I know.
Place your bets, gentlemen.
It's about time.
I'll see you...
and raise you 20.
Slow down, I'm running low on chips.
I'll see your bet and...
I'll call.
Two pair. Aces over queens.
Lucky for me, I had 3 sixes.
Sorry.
Nice pot.
Looks like you broke your losing streak.
I don't think that one should count.
Beg your pardon?
I said, I don't think that hand should count.
You got any logical reasons why not?
My mind wasn't on the game.
Your mi... His mind wasn't on the...
What's your name, son?
- Johnny. - Johnny... Johnny what? You got a last name?
Johnny Hardin.
What's your occupation?
I'm a gunfighter.
Well, I have to assume, since you're still alive...
and playing cards with us here, that...
that you're good at it.
Care to find out?
Gentlemen, this hand definitely does not count. Here, you take it all.
I mean, whatever you think's fair, and I'll be content with the leavings.
You mind if I just hang on to a...
You always been gutless?
Yeah, I think so. Well, for as long as I can remember, at any rate.
My old pappy always used to say, "He who fights and runs away...
"can run away another day."
What?
Look, I don't see what you're so worried abo...
Whoa! Whoa, son. Just...
Slow down there.
Where's the fire, son?
Slow down. Don't shoot me, okay? I'm just trying to expound.
I was just saying, I don't see what's so great about being brave.
I mean, I'm a card player. You know, I play cards.
Call me a gambler. I want to become an old gambler.
You on the other hand are a gunfighter.
And an exceptional one at that, from what I hear.
So if I decided to go up against you, I mean, what chance would I have had? Answer?
Zero.
Absolutely none whatsoever.
Wanna see it again?
Damn thing won't stay in the holster.
Whoop! I must have a spring in there.
Come on, kid, let's just play poker.
Who here wants to play poker?
- Hell yeah. - Yeah.
Who wants to see some guy get killed?
No. Let's play poker.
I'd rather be rich than dead, you know.
Was that fast? I thought that was fast.
Was it fast? Was it?
Yeah.
Now, what was it? Stud?
No, I think I prefer draw!
Just kidding.
I'm sorry, son. I couldn't resist it.
My ante's in.
- I'll raise you 75. - Oh, 75.
Well, that's... That more than takes care of your bet.
And I'll raise you whatever that is, looks like 100.
Shit! I fold.
Hey, you never paid to look...
You said you never bluffed.
I had me a pair of aces!
No, I said I never cheated and I also said I hardly ever bluff.
This is one of the "hardlys".
You've been cheatin' the whole damn game.
Now what do you think I was doing during that first hour?
I was learning your tells.
Incidentally, your particular weakness comes when you get your hand and you...
shuffle the back cards to the front and the front cards to the back
and switch 'em all around and act a little fidgety.
I just called you a cheat.
Well, you also called me gutless...
but I figured you were just teasing.
Get your hands off of him!
We get him first!
When I see'd you through the window, you made me believe in the Almighty.
You fellas were drinking.
A lot. And you played bad. Whose fault is that?
Yours, you bastard! It's all your fault!
It's our time come now.
- I think there's gonna be a fight. - Come here, son.
I want you to hold onto this for me.
If these fellas get to whooping me...
you have my permission to shoot me.
- Sh... Shoot you? - Shoot me.
See that this gets no dirt on it. Thank you.
Good luck! I get to hold it.
I'm going to cut you up...
fancy man!
- You're a pretty good fighter. - Thank you.
- Glad I didn't have to kill you. - Me too.
- By the way, I won 20 cents. - Twenty cents?
Thanks to my lucky shirt.
Speaking of my 20 cents...
All right. All right! My shirt's damaged! Damn!
Damn! What the hell else bad can happen? You!
What were you saying before I went out. What... You called me something.
- Nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing important. - I believe he called you a gutless coward.
I did not say that. I might've said a gutless cheat...
- But not a coward. Never call a man a coward. - Cheat? Cheat?
I was teasing.
- Teasing? - Teasing.
I don't like being teased.
Hey. My friend, I'm sorry.
Now I'm teasing you.
Let's play poker.
Oh, ma'am. Here. Let me get your chair.
That was truly amazing.
I just get lucky sometimes, is all.
Whose deal was it? Mine?
Excuse me. Think I'm through with y'all for the evening.
- Good night, ma'am. - Good night.
Good night, son.
Five-card draw all right with you?
Whatever.
Mind if I take six?
- Little poker humour. - It's all right.
I'm just kidding. I'm just teasing you again.
Who is it?
Annabelle Bransford.
I shouldn't be doing this.
You're just standing in the hallway, Mrs. Bransford.
I think that's still legal in this state.
If only I weren't a married woman.
I couldn't help myself.
My very being just cried out to hold you.
Well...
Stop by anytime.
I know we may never see each other again...
so I think it's safe to say that...
you are the most blindingly attractive man I've ever seen.
Well...
Now...
Goodbye.
Annabelle.
How can I possibly go on...
without my wallet?
If you don't give me back my money, I'll have your ass thrown in jail.
Damn!
Don't get mad at me. I can't help it if you're a miserable thief.
I'm a very good thief, Mister. I just been having bad luck, that's all.
I know what that's all about.
Hey, where're you from, anyway? Your accent could use some work too.
- Most gentlemen enjoy my Southern. - That's not in dispute.
But I'll bet there is no Mr. Bransford, is there?
No, there isn't and there never will be, thank you very much.
Well, now what do we do? You're not going to turn me in, are you?
Well, I am a law-abiding citizen, Ma'am, and it's my duty to turn you in.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to... I... I...
What the hell. I got my money back and there's no harm done.
Let's just call it square, shall we?
Damn!
What?
You're just so irritating and likeable.
I have to work on that, I guess.
See, there you go, bein' all likeable again.
You know, I...
I think that had we known each other under different circumstances...
we'd have hated each other.
There isn't a Mrs. Maverick, is there?
I'm sure I would've remembered.
May I?
I wish we'd never met.
Goodbye.
She did it.
Son of a bitch.
Can I be of some help?
What?
You have to admit I was much better the second time.
No, no, not just better. You were good.
- I was? - You weren't just good. You were very good.
Thank you.
And now it's time for you to do a little something that I want.
How dare you? I'm a lady. Not in a million years!
Not if you were 100 years old. Not if I was 100 years old...
Shut up! I don't want to go to bed with you, Lady.
Why not?
Wh... Why not? Why not? I'd be too frightened!
If I dozed off, God knows what parts of me you'd steal.
I'd wake up with all sorts of things missing.
But obviously I don't know how to clean this...
and, obviously, you must know how to.
The laundry's closed, and I'm gonna leave early in the morning and you owe me.
So take it easy on the starch.
If I can't touch you, I can touch your shirt and dream.
Thank you.
- Want a hand? - Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
Good night, Bert.
Bret.
Bret. That's my name. Bret.
- Good morning. - Morning.
- Is Eugene in? - Yes, sir, but he's busy...
Eugene?
Get up, you bald-headed reprobate!
- Get up! - Jesus!
- On your feet! - Don't shoot.
- I need some cash. - I know a desert flower...
Shut up! I don't care about your problems.
- Put the cash on the table. - I don't have any money.
- Well then open the safe. - Robbery!
- It's a robbery! - No, no!
Robert, no!
It's all right. It's just my friend Bret saying hello.
- Go back and tell everybody everything's okay. - Yes, sir.
- Son of a bitch. - Silly old bastard.
- How are you going, Eugene? - Things couldn't be worse, Bret.
Bret, look, I know I owe you $1,000.
- That's what I came for. - Would you take 100?
Now, look, I have never welshed on a debt in me life. Just give her to the end of the year.
The end of the y...? Eugene, I need that money right now.
Oh, for the...?
For the championship. The poker championship, the All Rivers.
Yeah, how much it cost to enter that?
Twenty-five thousand dollars.
I'm $3,000 short, but I figured with Joseph and you...
Well, Pork Chop Slim owed me too...
but he died and his widow used the money for the funeral.
They never found the body.
- What? - They never found his body.
The widow Pork Chop conned me.
What is it with people nowadays anyhow?
I know what you mean. You just can't trust them. Here, take my last 100.
No, I can't do that.
- Take it. Take it. - Eugene, what about Matilda and the kid?
- Bank robbery! - Robert, I told you...
Yeah, hold 'em.
You heard the man! Bank robbery!
Stay off to the wall over there.
I'll take this, gunslinger.
Much obliged. Empty your pockets, old man.
- Come on! - I got a silver dollar.
Silver dollar, you better do better than that! My trigger finger's gettin' mighty itchy.
All right, don't shoot, don't shoot.
- Take it. - What? Look at this.
Well, I'll be. Jesus.
Hundreds and thousands.
- You told me you were broke! - Well, I am now! He's got it.
- And I'll get the rest too! - I don't have any more.
Pull those pockets out. Son of a bitch, turn around!
Hurry up! Hurry up!
- Hey! - I'm sorry.
Give me that!
- Nah. - Nah.
Okay, let's blow the safe!
Light up!
All right, everybody. Get your heads down, or you're gonna lose it.
Come on.
- I'm younger than you. - I should be under... Move it.
I'm getting too old for this shit.
Hi-yah! Yah!
You sons of bitches. You beat me by a day!
Eugene!
You're holding out.
Bret, that's all I got left!
Maverick!
Hey!
Bret Maverick! Bret Maverick!
Nothing to worry about.
Hey, we want to talk to you, pal.
Hey, where are you going?
Got you now!
- Anybody see you? - Not a soul.
You fellas come in any later last night...
that monster would've eaten me alive.
We saw that. Anybody suspect anything?
Not a thing. You were great!
Well, truth is, we enjoyed it.
No kidding.
Thanks for taking it easy on us.
Easy? Damn, those were my best shots.
Well, the one there kinda rung my bell a little bit.
- That's good. - Hey.
You owe us $5 apiece.
- Five bucks. - You're damn right, $5 a beating, wasn't it?
- That's right, it's $5. - You had better cough it up, Maverick.
You boys may or may not believe this.
I was just in the bank, and they not only cleaned it out.
They cleaned me. I'm gonna have to owe you.
Are you trying to tell me...
- you don't have our money for taking your best shots? - That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you.
- Blowing my head off's not going to make you any richer. - Sure gonna make me feel better.
You got a point there.
Well, let's see here.
- Yeah. - I...
I'm sorry. I forgot!
I honestly forgot.
I always keep something pinned inside my vest...
for just such a rainy day occasion.
It's a good thing, 'cause it was clouding up pretty quick.
That's a $100 bill, gentlemen.
- A $100 bill? - But I do need some change.
Let me just... Wait a second.
- Eighty will be close enough, 75... - Let's see what we got.
- I got 17 here. - Seventeen dollars?
- That's right. - You owe me $8 for a month.
- Well, we'll settle that later. - You always cheat me.
Just take the 17 now.
- I can't believe you, Al! - I think that's close enough, gentlemen.
I think you came out better than you think you did.
There's your 100. It's been nice working with you boys.
- You keep this under your hats, okay? - Where did you grow up?
News travels fast in the old West.
A $100 bill! That's...
25 apiece.
Now ever since I was a kid, I believed I had a gift.
That if I thought hard enough about a card...
I'd be able to cut straight to it.
Of course, my old pappy always said I was a damn fool.
But I knew if I really believed and made it happen, well then that...
would be nothing short of magic.
Damn!
Of course, it didn't always work.
What the hell do I expect?
As a matter of fact, it had never worked.
You sweet woman.
Lucky shirt. Yes.
Mrs. Bransford. Mrs. Bransford!
Wait! You!
Wait there. I'm... No! You... Wait!
Hold up the ferry! Don't go without me!
Thank you.
You did this on purpose.
You bet I did.
This... This is my lucky shirt.
Why don't you learn how to do your own laundry then.
My underwear comes from New York.
You got any idea where this shirt was made, Lady?
Paris, France, that's where!
You think I can just go to the nearest dry goods store to pick up another one!
Why don't you try the kiddie department?
Remove your hands from the lady.
Sometimes, when you least expect it, your hero arrives. Mister?
Cooper, Zane Cooper. Folks call me Coop.
- Suits me just fine. - Coop.
Well, this silly looking creature's named Maverick and my name is Annabelle Bransford.
I'm gonna be taking this coach.
- So am I. - So am I.
That ought to be fun.
Lord knows what that ruffian might've done
had we been alone together on the stage for two days.
Well, I hope you can relax and enjoy the journey now.
See, my feeling is that if there weren't any women...
none of us would be here.
Well, what kind of sense does that make?
If there weren't any men, we wouldn't be here either.
Are you mocking me?
Well, we don't want you to get ruffled. Let's just say I was agreeing with you...
in a totally unusual way.
What would this world come to without true gentlemen like yourself?
A passenger! Come ahead.
Right this way, sir. Want a hand?
I'm the driver.
Are you all right?
Why does everybody ask me that?
Now come on, young fella, get me up there so we can get this thing going.
Of course.
Well, I think it's about time we get to know each other.
Mr. Maverick here has aspirations towards becoming a card player.
Well, I'm not ignorant of cards. Can't be in my line of work.
- And pray, what might that be? - Lawman.
I bet you're just the best there is. I can tell things about a man.
I can't quite place your accent, Mrs. Bransford. Where in the South are you from?
Ever been to Mobile?
That's where I'm from, Mobile.
Oh, you mean Mobile, Alabama? Hell, I been there.
You know, I'll bet we know some of the same people. You start.
I've tried so hard to forget that place.
I endured such personal tragedy there.
A woman's suffering is not a funny thing, Bertie.
There are exceptions.
Watch your billfold.
Hey, old-timer! Hey!
The thief and the old guy find it kind of bumpy back here!
Come on!
How could you face them all down? Nine men, all of them armed?
Well, a man gives his word to do his job, and he is honour bound to do it.
- Weren't you afraid? - A mite.
Maverick here doesn't believe in bravery.
Well now, Mrs. Bransford, I think bravery's a fine thing...
it's just overrated is all, and doesn't suit me personally.
- I just realized something. - What's that?
You're spineless.
That's right. Being spineless has kept me alive a long time.
You fellas got a problem?
Heavens to Betsy, no!
What's the joke?
- You, Pancho. You're the joke. - Explain that.
You're gonna have to pay us a hell of a lot more money than Maverick did.
He paid you to fall down?
Paid us good too.
That's right. A $100 bill.
- That's a good day's work. - That's right.
You fellas ought to see me first.
I'd have let you fall down for free.
Maverick was mine, anyway.
But this time it's personal.
Hundred dollar bill. Ha!
Do you think that he's taking a short cut?
Hey, old-timer, wake up! Wake...
- Is he asleep? - No, I think it's more serious than that.
- I think he's dead. - Dead?
Yeah.
- Well then get up and stop the stage. - Me? I just put a fresh shirt on.
- Why don't you go up and stop the stage? - Because this wheel is coming loose.
If that wheel comes off, we're all dead. Now go up and stop the stage.
- I'll take care of the wheel. Go on. - All right.
- Give me your hat. - That hat better fit me when I come back.
Now, Bert, stop playing around and stop those horses.
- Help! Help! - This is serious!
- He'll be fine. He looks pretty handy. - He is?
- Why aren't you fixin' that wheel? - The wheel is perfect.
Well, why don't you help him then? He's gonna kill you when he gets back.
What? No, in the long run, he'll thank me in his prayers.
What's he doing back there?
Sorry!
- Stop fooling around and stop these horses! - You poked me in the eye!
Get up there and stop the horses!
Whoa, horses! Stop!
Whoa, stop!
Whoa!
- Let me help you. - No, I got it.
Here.
So, what's with the wheel?
Oh! It's fine.
There was nothing was wrong with the wheel, but...
I know. I know. I got a real good...
close look at the wheels from underneath.
Don't you feel better about yourself now that you've done something so brave?
- Wasn't that exciting? Those horses running along, safe... - I get it.
This was all for my benefit, huh?
- Yes! - To help me build character.
- Exactly. - Look at him bursting with pride.
That's funny. You'd think I'd be mad, wouldn't you?
Give me your hand.
Don't you ever try and help me again.
You either.
Now back off. Go on, back off!
Go away.
Ungrateful.
Help.
What?
Help.
What did you say?
Please help me.
Oh! Okay, take my hand.
You take my hand.
Take my other hand.
- Easy. - Oh, watch the cactus!
I don't care about the cactus. Just get me up there.
You're doing good.
Now get your hands off me!
Ungrateful.
I suppose somebody ought to say something nice about the deceased.
How do we know he was nice? We don't know anything about him.
The only thing he's got in his wallet is a bunch of names of whorehouses.
♪ Amazing grace ♪
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
♪ That saved a wretch ♪
♪ Like me ♪
♪ I once was lost ♪
"Don't let Maverick reach the game."
Trouble.
Pull up! Pull up. Whoa, whoa.
We sing praises unto the Lord, our God!
Here.
All right. We'll do everything we can.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil.
Maverick!
- They got hit by Indians. - Yeah, they were Injuns.
Ma'am, it was not Indians.
Don't you tell me. I seen them. They were wearing war paint...
- They were hoopin'... - If it'd have been Indians...
I told them we'd take them to Cristal City.
- That's backtracking, ain't it, Coop? - Just a day.
- Well, I got a game to get to, and not only that... - I know what you have to get to.
- They took the music box that belonged to my little girl. - My favourite music box!
And the wagon with all the money on it and they shot one of my dogs.
Hold it. Hold it! Simmer down. Simmer down.
Exactly how much money was it?
- What kind of animal are you? - Vulture.
Exactly how much money was that, Ma'am?
- Thirty thousand dollars. - Thirty thousand dollars.
- We were going to start a mission. - We were going to start a mission.
- A mission. - Mary Margaret.
Ma'am, if I can get you back your $30,000, would that be worth 10 percent to you?
Five. Five percent.
No, 10 percent, Mary Margaret, 10 percent.
I could get back my wedding dress that I was gonna have for when I find a husband.
All right, Margaret Mary. You think you can you do it?
Ma'am, I know that we can.
- Praise the Lord! - What's this "we" stuff? Ma'am.
All right. I'm gonna give you your 10 percent, but I want you to make them savages suffer.
I'm telling you, Ma'am, there are no hostile Indians around these parts.
- Oh, my God! Come on... - Heathen!
Drums. Those are definitely drums.
Right again, Bert.
It's Bret.
Well?
Well, they may just look like dimples the in dirt to you, Mrs. Bransford.
But they're horse tracks. Not only that, they're shod horse tracks...
and Indians don't shoe their ponies. So it wasn't Indians.
Well, they're Indians. They probably just stole the ponies.
- Not everybody's like you, Mrs. Bransford. - What is it with you and Indians anyway?
Nothing. I mean, I try to shoot one a day. If possible, before noon. How about you, Coop?
I figure it's their fault too, for being on our land before we got here.
- What are you doing here anyway? - We're partners. 50-50.
Sounds like 50-50 to me.
I suppose you want 50% too?
I just want those nice ladies to get their money back.
Oh, fine! Well, I don't split my bounty with anybody.
I suppose that 60-40 would be agreeable?
- Well, what're you going to do for your 40 percent? - I'm gonna help.
- Seventy-thirty? - Seventy-thirty...
Well...
Now, Mrs. Bransford, 70-30, I don't know.
You're not exactly what I call an experienced tracker.
Well, some big tracker you are...
following around a couple of little horses. Anybody can do that.
Anybody? Oh...
do you see that hawk over there?
- No, don't! - I'm not gonna shoot the hawk.
- You know what that hawk means? - What?
Absolutely nothing. But you didn't know that, did you?
- I did! - No, you didn't.
- I did! I did too! - Children, children!
What? You smell a bunch of Indians over in Montana?
No. Now be quiet.
What is it?
- So what do you hear? - Nothing.
I just thought I should take a little nap before sundown, you know.
Sneak up on them in the dark.
What are you laughing at?
Here you go. Be alert.
There's 6 horses there. It's got to be them.
- You got good eyes. - We got to tie these up.
- Hey, hey! - What?
Can you teach me to be a better poker player?
- What? Now? - You might be dead later and I need to know now!
You're all heart. Poker's about being observant.
Now observe the U.S. Cavalry brand on these shoes. And they're shod.
They're not Indian ponies, see? Now these are tells.
- You got tells too. - I do not.
Yes, when you got a good hand, you play with your hair...
I never touch my hair.
Would you two shut up? Just shut up and listen!
Sounds like a music box, doesn't it?
Yes.
Oh, hey. There they are.
Look, there's the music box that woman was talking about.
And look at that fella up the back.
He's wearing your sweetheart's wedding dress, Mary Margaret.
Margaret Mary. Margaret Mary, she's not...
You're on a first-name basis. Naturally I assumed...
Would you two be quiet!
Be quiet!
You're crazy.
Now did you see any money over there?
No.
Can't see anything.
We could take them real easy. We could surprise them. They're half drunk...
That's a strange new word in your vocabulary, "we". This is your show.
Yes.
You mean you'd just stand there and let me face six guys with six guns?
Yeah.
Well I've only one gun, that's only six bullets. And they got six guns, that's 36 bullets.
What if they got 2? That's 72 bullets.
We haven't even talked about rifles. Maybe they got rifles, or...
Would you just shut up? If you could just hear yourself. You're babbling.
- I don't believe... - You're just babbling.
- N-No, I wasn't. - You are babbling.
Now, don't worry, they're probably drunk.
Coop here, he faced nine men dead sober, didn't you now?
Coop's always dead sober.
- She didn't mean that. - That's what she said.
I said the outlaws were dead sober!
Shut up!
Oh no, here he comes. Here they come!
What if there's trouble? Seriously.
- I'm right behind you. - You are?
None of that "wheels coming off" shit.
Well that was about broken bones. This is about dying.
Dying?
Other way.
Dying. Right.
- Come on, give it to me. - What?
This is about dying. It might be my last chance. Hand it over.
- How dare you? No! - I need all I can get.
- Why don't you just take your own. - It must be under there.
- Why do you mind? - Give it to me. I need all I can get.
- All right, 50 percent. - Fifty percent?
Fifty percent.
- No! - Fifty-fifty.
- No, no! - Sixty-forty.
- No. - Sixty-forty. Sixty-forty.
- Sixty-forty. All right, sixty-forty. - All right, sixty-forty.
It's just an itty-bitty little thing.
You're the fastest draw there is. I don't know why you need my little gun?
Who said he was the fastest draw there is?
Yes, it's true. I am fast...
But I also can't hit shit, especially when it's real people I'm aiming at...
so I need all the bullets I can get.
- You back me up? - Yeah.
- Bert. - Bret. My name is Bret. Bret!
You're Annabelle, he's Coop. I'm Bret! It's tantamount to shooting me at a time like this.
Be careful, okay?
Of course. You too.
Hey, everyone.
Come on, wake up! No need to get alarmed now. I'm just here.
I saw your fire and I thought I'd come over and visit with you for a while.
Who the hell are you?
I'm Bert Maverick...
No. I'm Bret Maverick, and I'm just here to tell ya
that right now each and every one of you has a gun...
pointed at your pretty little heads.
Just whistle folks, so they can hear you.
Come on! You're surrounded.
What's the matter, another wheel comin' off? Clap if you can't whistle!
See? They're out there.
The man who'll blow your brains out is Marshal Zane Cooper. You've probably heard of him.
I know what you're thinking. He's old and decrepit, gums his food and his women.
But he can still shoot straight.
After you is Ugly Annie Bransford.
When she was born, she came out backwards and no one noticed.
Hell, when she was a kid, she was so ugly...
her parents had to tie a pork chop around her neck so the dog would play with her.
When she's making love, she has to pretend she's somebody else.
All right. You're all right, Bart.
Admit it. That was funny.
I didn't think so.
Well, some Indians attacked a wagon train a few miles back.
And some of those folks figured it might have been whites masquerading as Indians.
I personally don't believe that.
But I think if you could come along with me, we'll straighten this matter all out.
We can all get some more sleep.
So if you just follow me. Get up.
Come on, get up. Get in a straight line and let's go. Come on.
I'll give you something to remember!
Get him!
- Aren't you gonna go out there and help him? - A man could get killed doing that.
Did you just help him?
Shot my whiskey bottle!
My hand!
Oh, that's my gun!
That's my gun!
Damn you! Damn you!
Oh, isn't he wonderful?
Oh, yeah.
Look at that!
They're all gone. It's exitin'! Isn't it wonderful?
- It's just wonderful. I'm gonna be rich! - It was nothing, really.
- You did pretty good. Let me tell you what you did wrong. - Tell me where that money is right now!
You tell me where that money is.
I had you. You tell me where it is.
There it is!
I've never seen such beautiful money!
- You take off that dress! - How dare you!
- Not you. Him. - Put that cash down!
- I found it! - I nearly got my head blown off!
- But I found it! - Now get your claws off the cash.
- I'll take the money. - And I'll count it for you.
- No. No you don't let her touch it! - You don't even know half...
Where do you think you're going? Stay and clean up your mess.
Be mature. Grow up. Clean up this mess you made.
Get back! Put those guns down and line up.
Don't let her get within 10 yards of that cash!
I have found you. For He said, "Seek and ye shall find."
And I have found you. I have found you, oh, rejoice!
Bless you! Bless you for finding my wedding dress. Now I can get married.
The Lord thinks it's good to bear children. And the Lord has said...
- It's a beautiful dress. - Thank you.
I'm sure you'll find a husband.
Two thousand five hundred...
$2,600...
$2,800...
Two thousand seven hundred, ma'am.
- Are you sure about that? - I'm sure.
She'd know.
2,700, 2,800...
900.
Three thousand dollars. Here you go, Mr. Maverick, the 10 percent we promised you.
That leaves us with $27,000, Margaret Mary.
Mary Margaret, that's not enough to start a mission.
Don't you worry, Margaret Mary. We are honourable women.
We promised Mr. Maverick $3,000.
We delivered. The Lord will provide for us.
My old pappy used to say...
Well he said a lot of things, but one thing he said was...
"Never sneeze when you're hidin'. Never smile when you lie."
"Never, under any circumstances...
"Never take money from women who've lost a dog and a wedding dress and a burnt-down wagon."
- Oh, bless you. - Hallelujah!
I lost a wedding dress!
The Lord be praised. Margaret Mary, we've got our money back.
We have got our money back. Saint Maverick! Saint Maverick!
We had a deal. You owe me my 30 percent.
All right, Mrs. Bransford. You know I'm a man of my word.
Here, you can have 30 percent of whatever I got.
I hate to interrupt, but I got a problem.
So am I.
If those renegades weren't the real Indians...
who do you suppose was beating those drums?
Well maybe it was them.
I'll take care of this.
Anybody get that?
You know all about Indians. Can you speak to him?
I'll do my best.
What's he say?
It seems we've committed a terrible sin.
We're on sacred ground.
We didn't know we were on sacred ground. Can't you just explain that to him?
Yeah.
Well his gods demand a sacrifice.
There's no way out of it. Sacred ground is sacred ground.
Sacrifice?
Human.
He says we...
We can go if one of us passes the Indian bravery test...
but one of us must go with him.
What's the bravery test?
Well, you see that? He cuts off both your hands. If you don't make a sound, you pass.
I'll die before I let him touch you.
But there's too many of them. You can't protect me.
You're probably right. Don't show fear. It makes them crazy.
Well, there's nothing else for it.
One of us has to go, or there'll be bloodshed.
- I'll go. - No, I'll go.
No, I'll go. I owe you. I almost got you killed twice already.
Coop, I can't do what you can do.
You gotta get this wagon and these women and children to safety.
I'll go, but it's okay. Third time lucky.
Oh, Bret.
I liked it just now when you called me Bret.
- One thing. - What, Bret?
When you're gonna bluff, never tap your fingernails on your teeth.
That's your second giveaway. You gotta work on that.
Even at a time like this, you are thinking of others.
Goodbye, my lady.
You were right, Coop.
I never felt better in my life than I do right now.
Take care of yourself.
Well. Now when they...
cut my hands off, my lucky shirt'll fit.
Bret!
- Bye. - Bye, Bret.
What the hell was that about? My throat's killing me.
- Tell you later. - Tell me later.
Bye.
I could die happy right now.
All right. Yeah. Just start off slow, will you?
Let's go. Let... No! How do you make the damn...
- Whoa, whoa. I'm just... - No, no. Watch where you're going!
I'm just trying to... Will you slow down?
I can't get my feet... Where'd you get this useless piece of junk?
I won it off this Russian guy in a card game. Okay, okay. Watch out for that! Watch out for it!
My bicycle. Look at that.
I think I'll stick with a horse.
What are they laughing at?
Well nobody's ever ridden it before.
You sure do pick the spots.
Yeah, I know.
You know, the next time you people come to drive us off our land...
I'm gonna find a piece of swampland so god-awful, maybe then you'll leave us the hell alone.
- Is that good? - Nah.
What's with the drums and the war paint and the horses? What're you doing here?
We had kind of a lousy year.
Not much left to hunt. So when this Russian archduke, that's where I got the bike...
He came along and wanted to see the real West, so I said, "Okay."
He pays well.
We get all dressed up in war paint and go whoopin' around like idiots.
He wants me to speak like they say in books, you know, "How, white man."
You people are such assholes.
Of course, he's got to hear the war drums all the time!
Startin' to get on my nerves.
You're not married to him. You'll move on, you'll have the cash. What's eating you?
- Bret. - What?
I don't have the $1,000 I owe you.
Oh, I knew you were going to say that. I knew it.
Look, I'm sorry, Mav. You'll get your money just as soon as I change some roubles into dollars.
When is that gonna be? I've got a few days to make it to that big game. And then...
Oh, the big game, the big game. You need $25,000 to get into that. You're crazy.
I know that. I suppose I got to win the $3,000 the day or so before...
Well if I get your $1,000 in time, I'll only have to win $2,000.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute. - What?
You've got $22,000?
Yeah.
Cash?
Well, it's not frog skins.
I've never seen $22,000.
I've never seen 25. This is terrible!
Where... Where is it? Can I see it?
Why not?
- Can I touch it? - Yeah, you can roll in it.
- Where is it? - Where else?
What is this stuff?
What is that?
- Oh, ha, ha, ha. Very funny. - What?
It's... news... newspaper.
- You all right? Was it the food? - No, no, no!
I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna kill her. Annabelle.
- What? - Annabelle.
How could she rob me of $22,000 when I was goin' off to face my doom?
You were gonna cut my hands off, she robbed me anyway!
- What are you talking about? - Is there no decency in...
Pull yourself together, Mav! Everybody's looking.
I got your money right here. Just wanted to see how you'd react.
I was just teasing you.
- You're teasing? - Just teasing.
I don't like being teased.
I'll kill you. You'll be dead and I'll be happy.
- Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! - What?
- Did you say dead? - Yes.
I just got an idea.
Big asshole.
How, white man!
Hello, noble savage. I have a terrible day.
I kill every animal in sight and is boring me.
- Boring? - Boring.
Then maybe His Largeness be interested in greatest Western thrill of all.
What is it? What?
Come, come!
What is greatest Western thrill?
Kill Injun.
Kill In...?
Is it legal here?
White man been doing it for years, but much wampum needed.
How much?
One thousand.
One thousand?
You would not have to tie him. It does not seem sporting.
No no no no no, he'll lose, but easy hit. Dying anyway.
Smoke too much tobacco.
Very sick. Put out of misery. Deal?
Deal.
Me go find and give him courage.
Indian law say death be private thing. You wait here.
Psst! Hey!
- Bret? - Well, who else? Did you fix his gun?
I couldn't. He wouldn't take his hands off it.
Oh that's great. What's in it for me if I die?
Well I got him up to $500.
Five hundred? Worth the risk. Let's get it over with.
Two-fifty a piece.
250? I'm the one taking all the risk here. What do you need $250 for?
So, Arch!
Look sick. Look sick.
Tell him to start running.
No, no, no, no, no. Wrong! Wrong!
Wrong? What's wrong? I do not want to lose the light.
Injun shot by white man's weapon not reach Happy Hunting Ground.
Injun die by Indian way.
- I never used one of those. Never! - Psst!
Real easy. Look. See?
See?
No wonder you people were so easy to conquer. Give me it!
Two thousand dollars.
Two thousand dollars?
Two thousand. Give me that. Two thousand.
Come, come, come!
Oh, shit.
I killed him. I killed him.
I really killed him.
Are you just going to leave him there for the vultures?
Never liked him much anyway. Come, we get the money now.
Hey partner, we did it!
We did it. Yeah, "we" did it.
You son of a bitch. He could have killed me.
Arrows missing my head, bullets whizzing by my ear...
All part of the master plan. We had to make it look real.
Real? You had it all organised. You knew he was gonna miss me by this much!
- Here, here, shoot this. - You shoot it.
No, you shoot it. I wanna show you something. Come on!
All right, all right. You go run. I'll give you a 5-second start.
- Hey, gratitude for you! I saved your life! - What?
Shoot it. I wanna show you something.
- That's not funny. - Hurts, doesn't it?
Anybody who shoots my bow can't use their hand for at least half a day.
And fresh from the mint. It's all yours, partner. You earned it.
I'd kiss you if there weren't so many people.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
So I guess you'll be going now.
Hey, how am I gonna explain how I got away from here?
You know, with my hands still attached and everything?
Tell them the truth. Tell them you got us all drunked on firewater...
surrounded us and escaped in the confusion.
Nobody's gonna believe that. It's stupid.
You people will believe anything. Besides, that's not $500.
What is it?
- I got the big dunce up to $1,000. - You got him from $500 to $1,000?
Who's the best?
Silly son of a bitch. He probably would've gone for $2,000.
No, no, no! That's pushing it. That's really pushing it. That's greedy.
Well, all I need now is another $2,000 and I'm in the game.
With your luck, you'll win it in no time.
No, with my luck, I'll lose this 1,000.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, what's this? - What?
You insult me by counting it right in front of me? It's all there.
I'm sorry Joseph, it's just lately, my friend, even my close friends...
they've been stiffing me.
Oh, hey, Mav! What are friends for?
Yeah. It's all there, isn't it?
It was high time I hotfooted it out of there...
because I knew it wouldn't be long before Joseph thought of a scheme...
to help me reinvest my newly-acquired thousand.
Goodbye, Bert.
The $2,000 wasn't the only thing I was short on.
I was really getting short on time.
Hey!
Should've paid your cow hands a little more, Maverick.
Lucky for you, I'm not the type that minds being made a fool of.
I would never let you make that poker game.
But if you hadn't done what you done, I might've let you live.
But now I won't.
It occurred to me, just before I blacked out that, well, he might've been teasing.
And then again...
maybe not.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Ollie.
Whoa.
Whoa...
All right, Lord.
That's enough. I've... I've found humility.
If you could get me out of this, I don't mean to be...
too presumptuous, but...
Let's go! Go, Ollie, go!
Thank you, Lord.
All right, Ollie. You can stop now.
Ollie, you can stop now. Just stop.
You can stop, Ollie. Ollie.
You can stop. Attaboy, attaboy.
All right...
Don't go, Ollie. Please don't.
Stay there, pal. Come on!
No! No, no. Don't run!
Ollie!
Bret! Bret!
Bret Maverick. Look at you.
- My very own hero is alive and well. - Well Mrs. B, you actually seem glad to see me.
Well, I am.
How ever did you escape from those hostiles?
I'm not exactly a whole man anymore.
Oh, Bret. My beautiful, beautiful, perfect male.
I don't want to seem too forward, but...
I was wondering, could you loan me $4,000?
I've only been able to broken even at the poker tables in these last few days.
That means you can't enter.
Well, Mrs. B., you know if it was within my power, I'd give you that money in a heartbeat.
The problem is, I'm $2,000 short myself.
And my poor, pure heart was just set on it.
Hell. Sid! This wine is for peasants!
Well, set on this, Mrs. Bransford.
You just stay as pure as you are right now and I'll be back in a couple of minutes.
Hunting savages, wasn't that dangerous?
It's primitive, but I like killing.
Excuse me, sir, could I have a word with you? Excuse me, folks.
Do you know who I am?
No, but I know who I am. Maverick, Indian Affairs.
It's over for you, Dukey. Joseph talked.
I don't know no anyone with that name.
Now that's funny, because that's exactly what he said about you when I started investigating the murder.
Murder...
But once we got him in jail, he told the truth, and I think you will too.
B-But I no American.
Murder's murder, Dukey. You're looking at a minimum...
of 10 years in jail and a $6,000 fine.
Six? Wait, wait! I have... I have...
I have... I have.. six... six... six thousand. I have!
I have 6,000. Please help me.
Do you realise the penalty involved in bribing someone from Indian Affairs?
No, no, please, I'm on my way home. Please. Take. You fix it. Please.
- Take, take, take! - All right.
The courts are overworked. I'll give you a break.
Thank. Thank you.
Don't you shoot any more Indians.
- All right? - No, no, no, no, no, no more.
Excuse me, excuse me. Has there been an accident?
Miss Annabelle, could I have a word with you please?
- Certainly. - Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Good luck, Miss Annabelle. - Good luck!
- Too good. - Gentlemen.
I got something I need to show you.
Close your eyes, Annabelle.
You're in the game!
I'm in the game! I'm in the game!
- Best be quiet. - Is there no end to your goodness?
Apparently not.
Heaven will kiss you for this one, Mr. Maverick.
You know I just realized something.
What?
You can't help it, can you?
You are irresistible.
Now, if by some small chance you should happen to win, I will be expecting 50 percent.
Well, then I'll be expecting 50 percent of your winnings, Mr. Maverick.
Perhaps we should just consider that a loan.
Let him go! Let him go!
All right.
Let him go.
Now how the hell'd you get here? Tell me!
No, you tell me...
what did you mean when you said you were never gonna let me make it to this game?
Who's trying to stop me?
You know, it's gonna be a pleasure playing you again.
The pleasure's all yours.
Come on.
All right, all right!
All right, come on.
Hey!
My, my, my.
Hey! Hit it!
Welcome to my ship, the Lauren Belle.
And welcome to the first ever annual...
All River's Draw Poker Championship.
Rules are simple.
We play till we drop. Winner takes all.
The dealer can call one break of one hour.
As soon as you're busted, you're gone.
Twenty of us playing, which means there's going to be 19 broken hearts.
Let's make it a great contest.
An honest, great contest.
And for that reason I've imported one of the West's most remarkable lawmen.
Marshal Zane Cooper.
He's going to show us how to run things.
Come on up here, Coop. Tell us how you're gonna do it.
Thank you, Commodore Duvall.
Now players, anyone caught cheating...
is gonna forfeit his entry fee and will be banned.
See these?
They're the only two allowed in the room.
Anyone breaking the rules...
better be a faster draw than me. And better learn how to swim.
Thank you, sir.
- Commodore. - All right, gamblers...
step right up and bring your money.
After you.
- Twenty-five thousand dollars. Make your mark. - That's correct. Here we go, sir.
- Make your mark right here, sir. - All right. Take bets.
Thank you, sir.
Put in the money and make your mark, gentlemen.
Thank you. Good luck to you.
Well, there it is.
I'll take good care of it.
Count that, would you?
- It's all there. - I'm sure it is.
The games will begin in 10 minutes.
Ladies and gentlemen, if we had $25,000 more in this satchel, we'd have a full half-million.
- We're minus one entry fee. - What?
I believe it's yours, commodore.
Do I need to count it?
I don't think so, Coop.
Even half-million. There we go.
This safe was brought in specially for this contest.
I selected the combination. I'm the only one that knows it.
Commodore, the money's as protected as I can make it.
There it is. Gamblers...
find your designated table and let's play some poker!
Four aces.
And gentleman takes three.
Five thousand.
Mr. Maverick wins the pot.
Mine.
Dumb ass.
I'll call you.
Gentlemen...
four kings.
All right, young man. Let's go.
Hey! A cheater!
You cheating son of a bitch!
You, sit down! I will handle this.
I knew it was him!
Don't touch those chips!
Go ahead, sir.
Hang on a second. Hang on a second!
What are you... Where are you taking me?
I can't swim!
Gentlemen, my pleasure.
Kings over tens, gentlemen.
Ripped my shirt!
Time to go for a swim, sir. Would you divide the chips among the players. Let's go.
Mother... You son of a bitch!
Sorry, old-timer, that's it.
Gentlemen, new deck. Good deal.
- Sir. - If you don't mind.
- At your pleasure, sir. - Thank you, Mr. Coop.
Thank you, gentlemen.
- Good game, Hightower. - Hightower retires.
Oh.
Four queens.
Congratulations.
Your chips'll be waiting at the main table. Good luck in the final game.
Full house, kings over ace.
That's a good hand. That beats one...
two...
three sevens.
But not four.
What?
I didn't...
Sir, why don't we go to the bar and get a drink?
Get some fresh air. You'll feel much better with a breath of fresh air.
There we go. Watch your step.
- I hate those sad losers. - You can't afford to play, you shouldn't play.
How's it look?
It looks like you, Mrs. Bransford, the Spaniard...
and, unless a miracle happens, Maverick.
Maverick, huh?
When it's decided, call a break for an hour...
And...
Let's set it up at that table right there.
Well partner, I was going to leave you a little something, but as you can see, I'm cleaned out.
Pleasure, sir. You're a hell of a player.
Ma'am, that's the most I ever enjoyed losing.
- A thousand for you. - Thank you, ma'am.
And congratulations. And don't worry about your chips.
I'll see that they're set up for the next game.
Good luck to you, son.
Maverick, leave your chips here, I'll make sure they're transferred for the final game.
Congratulations.
The players can take a one-hour break.
Anyone not back in their seat at the stroke of 5 forfeits their winnings.
- Annabelle. - Bret.
I thought you were...
Good morning.
Sorry.
Thirty minutes, everybody.
Thirty minutes to the final game.
Thirty minutes, everybody.
- Thirty minutes to the final game. - He's...
He's...
He's a good four minutes fast.
30 minutes...
Positions, sir?
Dealer over there. Come on, give me the cards.
Yes, sir.
Fifteen minutes, everybody.
- Fifteen minutes. - It's... maybe we better get serious.
- Here. - I got it.
I got it, if you don't mind.
Madam, we have rules about that onboard ship.
Wait a minute, that's my gun.
- It's your gun? - Yeah, it's mine.
Do you swim?
Swim? No. But she does and it's her gun.
And this one?
- Is this hers too? - I'm just carrying it for her.
- Brennet, what are you talking about? - Madam, is this your husband?
- Not any more he's not. - How about a little boat?
A little boat?
Well, Mrs. Bransford, you look particularly ravishing for 5 in the morning.
Nice glow about you. Five minutes, Mr. Maverick!
Four minutes! Four minutes to game time, folks!
Dealer...
start dividing up Maverick's chips.
- Looks like he's gonna be a no-show. - Yes, sir.
Wait!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
All right. Dealer, you can start your game.
Ante up, everyone, 50 dollars.
Don't let them bluff you, Annabelle. Bettin' on you.
A thousand and two more.
I'll see your 2,000 and...
Can I just bid everything I have left?
Yes, ma'am.
That'll be $12,000.
- Too rich for my blood. - I'm out.
What the hell. I feel like being silly. I'll call.
It's just a pair of sixes.
If you can beat that, you got me licked and that's...
not a totally unpleasant prospect.
I'm out of the game.
You put me out of the game.
Yes, I did.
I didn't do any of my tells. I didn't play with my fingers.
I didn't twirl my hair. I didn't flick my teeth.
You held your breath.
No, I wasn't.
I...
- Did I hold my breath? - Yes.
Did I hold my breath?
Did I?
See?
Sorry. See, usually...
when you get excited, you tend to breathe heavily.
How do you? Oh. Well.
I'll just pretend I was playing with somebody else's money.
- Shouldn't be hard. - Gentlemen.
You did hold your breath, Mrs. Bransford.
Ante up.
Sir.
It's up to you, commodore, to open.
I'll open for 5,000.
Five thousand dollars?
I'll see your 5...
and raise you another 5.
Ten thousand to you, Mr. Maverick.
Call.
And 5 more to me.
Cards, gentlemen.
Two cards, please.
- Sir? - Two.
Mr. Maverick.
I'll take one card, but not from you. Put the deck down.
What?
I'd like a new deck, a new cut and a new shuffle.
I'm sorry, Mr. Maverick, that isn't permitted in the rules.
You can have a new dealer if you'd like, but that's it.
In that case, I'd like you to deal.
- Me? - Just one from the top would be sufficient.
I like that.
Shows trust.
The commodore has four of a kind, Angel has a small straight flush...
and I don't have the least idea what Maverick has.
It's up to you, commodore.
Well, since it looks like I'm sucking hind tit here, I think I'll just bet my whole tray.
The Commodore wagers $25,000.
I'll see your 25.
I guess we're about even.
I'm gonna raise you everything I've got.
That's half a million dollars to the winner.
That should cover the commodore.
Aren't you gonna look at your card?
No need.
What are you playing at, Maverick? Look at your card.
I'd look at my card if I were you, son.
This is your portion of the pot, Commodore.
What kind of poker you playing? Look at that goddamn card!
Card's have been called, Commodore. You show your cards.
I have two small pair.
Eights...
and eights.
Yeah, Commodore.
Damn, Commodore.
Thank you.
You're not gonna look at your card?
Well...
how you gonna know if you can beat my straight flush?
Unbeatable!
The ten of spades.
The jack of spades.
Queen of spades and a king of spades.
A possible royal flush.
Quiet! Quiet!
You beat him.
You miserable, cheating son of a bitch!
You all right?
I can't believe I pulled that card. I pulled that c...
Did I ever tell you how I was in the desert? The snakes...
You're babbling.
Coop, your security isn't worth a damn!
Everybody's got a gun!
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
for our presentation of one-half million dollars to our winner...
Mr. Maverick!
Mr. Maverick, I want to congratulate you on a game well played.
Thank you, Coop.
Now, I wish your moment could last a little longer...
but you know, I see all this money and...
Hell, I just got to take it.
What?
I'm gonna have moments of regrets, I'm sure, but I'm going to take it nevertheless.
Move just down the steps.
He's...
- Cut it out. - This is no time to be brave, Bertie boy.
Down the stairs, now.
You too, commodore. Move it!
- I'll carry your bag, sir. - Get your hands off.
Get out there with those peo... Get away from here! Down the stairs. Go on. Move!
You sidewinding son of a bitch!
I worked my ass off for that half a million. You'd better believe I'm coming for it.
I'll look for you.
Well, you'd better be looking real hard! That's my money.
Was your money.
All right! Do as he said!
Everyone out, everybody.
I don't want to see any faces looking this way now.
- Captain! - Yes, sir?
- Get my gun. - Yes, sir.
He's headed for the lifeboat, sir.
- Well, try and stop him! - Yes, sir.
Get out of my way, rabble! I'll kill that son of a bitch.
Go, go, go, go, go!
There he is.
Let him go!
- Let him go? - Let him go. The man saved my life!
I can always win more money.
Yeah, but...
Anyway, I found out what I came here for anyway.
Yeah, but do I have to remind you that...
that there's a half million dollars in that satchel that bastard's making off with?
And it grieves me, but it's my half million, and...
Hell, it's only money, right folks?
Right!
- Only money? - I mean, it's not worth taking a man's life over.
No!
I won't swear out a warrant against him.
Well, I'll be damned!
I will be damned.
Let's have a toast our champion.
Our champion!
Fiddle that Coop!
So long, Commodore.
Goodbye!
Yes, goodbye.
- Thank you, sir. - Adiós.
Bye, bye.
Well...
Oh, here. I...
meant to give you this. I took it from you on the stage.
I thought you should have it.
I've actually been meaning to give you this cufflink...
I took right before you went off with the Indians.
I-I been looking for it. Yeah, I have. It's all right.
Well...
bye.
You gonna miss me?
You are gonna miss me.
- How do you know that? - You were holding your breath.
I was not.
Maybe I was.
Well, I...
Then I guess I better go make my stage.
See you in Abilene.
New Orleans, wasn't it?
Either.
Where the hell have you been?
Well, I had to say goodbye to a lot of people.
I didn't want them thinking I was off to meet somebody.
And I did a lot of twists and turns and backtracked a lot.
You know, to keep anybody from following me.
I thought we were in this thing together.
You win, I do nothing. Someone else wins, I do what I did.
Why didn't you tell me Angel was in it too.
Oh.
Well, if Angel had won, we'd still split it the same way.
Now the reason I brought him in...
Well, I telegraphed him to keep Maverick out of the game.
He messed up on that.
Poor, dead bastard.
I don't like secrets.
Yes, well, you're probably not gonna like this one either.
I don't know what it is, I guess it's my greedy nature, but...
I've decided...
not to share it with you.
Uncock it.
Sit down, gentlemen.
Let's get real cosy.
Parley some.
Put your hands down. You look ridiculous.
I gotta admit, you had me fooled.
Not many can.
But you did save my life, so I figured it wouldn't be neighbourly to kill you.
Besides...
everybody knows what you are now, anyway.
All your life's work, all the good you did...
it's all been wiped away.
Was it worth it?
You got nothing to show for it.
What you said before, that's all true.
I traded every decent thing I know for that money.
You can't leave me alive.
I don't care where you go...
one night you'll relax.
Guess who'll be waiting.
You couldn't sneak up on a corpse, Coop.
Not anymore.
You're just another decrepit old has-been.
Well, what're you going to do?
Maybe the fairest thing would be...
let one of you just kill the other.
I'll let you decide which.
- Give me that! - Let me! I caught it.
That, as they say, is that!
Oh, shit!
Maverick.
You dirty, rotten, double-crossed...
I've never committed a cold-blooded murder in my life.
And I won't.
Not till I find Maverick.
Decrepit old has-been? Couldn't sneak up on a corpse?
You got a half a million dollars in that satchel over there and your gun is 8 feet away.
Not smart. Not smart at all.
Guess not.
I guess it's plain to see who won the toss-up.
What, you shoot the commodore in the back, did you?
No.
Good idea, but no.
I really enjoyed nailing that bastard.
Just no room in poker for cheats.
That's one gambler who won't be able to touch a deck of cards this side of the Mississippi.
You know, my old pappy always used to say:
"There is no more deeply moving religious experience...
"than cheating on a cheater."
I never said that once. You've been misquoting me all your life.
- What, are we gonna quibble fine points? - You never even get close.
- Oh, please. - I'm sick of it.
I figured the things you say were always so damn dumb I had to improve on them, that's all.
Dumb, huh?
Will you cut that out, Pappy!
These things are a buck apiece. You brought me up to save money.
Really? Let me have one.
- Yeah, those are the good ones. - These are the good ones? All right.
You got a match?
- Hey Bret, Coop, everything good? - Ma'am.
- Enough cigars, enough brandy, hot water, towels? - Ma'am. Just fine.
- Give me a yell if you need anything. - Yes, Mrs. D.
Well I certainly hope this shirt fits you.
It's from the finest shirt maker in San Francisco.
Now isn't she sweet?
That's a hell of a shirt, but she's robbing us.
Look at this! Here's a lot of money and your gun is 6 feet away from you.
Eight.
What a remarkable family.
How'd she figure...? How'd you figure that?
Well, you don't have the exclusive on tells.
You both have the same height, the same build. You both...
kiss the same way, you both...
draw your guns the same way and you both sing the same wrong words to Amazing Grace.
- We do not. - We do not.
My! Such...
splendid similarities.
Yeah, from the looks of things, I'll have the lady come in with some more hot water.
Bye.
Well, Bret, son, you know what we ended up with?
What?
A half-a-million-dollar silk shirt.
Nope. We ended up with a quarter-of-a-million-dollar silk shirt...
because my old pappy always told me never to put the cart before...
No. "Don't count your"... No. "Don't ever put your eggs in one basket."
Now that, I said.
So I have a boot for you.
- A boot? - Here.
And the other one's twice as heavy as that one.
Bret, Bret, Bret, that's my boy.
What are kids for? I'd like the boot back, though.
- Be my guest. - Thank you. Nice boots.
I don't know why I left the other half of the money in the satchel.
- I do. - So do I.
It's gonna be a whole lot of fun getting it back.
- Bret. - Yes, sir?
Something I got to know, son.
How did you come up with that ace of spades?
You're not gonna believe me.
I'm your father, I'll believe you.
Magic.
Magic?
Magic.
I believe you.
Thanks.